Monday, May 12, 2008
I have lived in extreme darkness for most of my life as my family never attended church and I mingled with the "wrong crowd". Although, it is only the wrong crowd if your heart allows it to be the wrong crowd, which my heart did. I was totally caught up in the thought that I had to drink or smoke or do drugs to be accepted, when in actuality I was accepted the entire time by God. I had not opened my eyes or heart to Jesus then and made many mistakes in my life that I regret... I also made mistakes I don't regret. Alot of Christians judge people or acts of people without knowing or experiencing the thing that they are judging.... like the church trying to ban Harry Potter without ever watching or reading it. It makes no sense. I learned alot from my mistakes, both good and bad. I am not perfect by any means and still walk in darkness to an extent, but I accept and can relate to those that walk with me with love and sympathy. I feel deep sorrow when I see someone walking down the path that I chose to walk, yet I still get caught up in it at times. I still have a drinking problem that is slowly getting under control as I realize how many people it actually does hurt... not just my liver. I try to be open and honest about every aspect of my life with everyone I meet because I don't believe I should hide who I am. Also, if my life and mistakes can open the eyes of someone else... that is the one of the main purposes of honesty. As the bible says, you can't have a true relationship without honesty and if you can't have a true relationship, then why should so and so listen to my advice or learn from my actions?
Only the Truth and truthfulness...
I heard Sara Groves quote Bonhoeffer a few months ago saying, "Only the Truth and truthfulness can save us now." That kept coming to mind as D. talked about 1 John chapter 1. He kept making the point that God is trying to restore this real 'oneness' and 'participation' in one another and the only way to do that is to really connect to Jesus Christ who is from the Father who is Light and in whom there is no "darkness at all".
This week I've also been thinking about how it is impossible to be in a meaningful relationship with a liar. In a way, you never actually have an opportunity to make contact with the real person- all you will ever encounter are the lies they present. So lies make meaningful relationship impossible since actual human heart communication never happens. It's like walking into a clear glass door every time you attempt to approach that person, you only ever meet the lie that stands between you.
But God is not this way, he is not a liar- there is no darkness in Him at all. He never manipulates us or tricks us or abuses us. This means we can truly make contact with him. But it does hinder our own relationship with him when we fail to be honest in return. So he's always telling us the Truth and calling us to live in truthfulness with him and each other. He's always calling us to stop clinging to and walking in darkness, to stop being dishonest with ourselves and others. D. had a lot of good to say about how powerful self-deception really is - and the way it separates us from others.
I had a conversation with Blake on the road last week about honesty and my own cultural training. I sometimes feel that the majority of what I learned as "proper and beneficial social behavior" is something closer to walking in darkness. What I mean is, I need to learn to tell the difference between true kindness in love toward others and my own desire to 'manage other's responses' by putting on a show of some sort. Usually, I can manage pretty well socially because I've learned all the tricks of the trade- the trade being something like making people feel good so they'll like me and therefore make me feel good.
I feel like I'm walking on the edge of bitterness, but what I really want is to learn to really trust people and treat them with truthfulness and real kindness. I want to become someone that others can truly make contact with, like my God. How can I be honest and kind? How can I truly integrate Love and Truth in a way that makes real relationship possible.
Suddenly, it occurs to me that honest prayer is somewhere at the center of the whole deal. Also, confession to safe people that I trust makes the need to hide myself and use others to make myself feel good wither. I need to hear God speak the Truth about me ( exposing my own dark places), and realize His love (that covers them), and start practicing (over and over) being honest instead of carefully (even subconsciously?) maneuvering relationships to secure my own comfort.
I love the idea of really beginning to make actual heart-contact in relationship. I hate the idea of being supremely sociable and to have never been honest enough to actually know or be known by another human being. It seems that God really desires to lead us in his ways, to learn to walk in the Light, just like he is in the light. If we can get that honest without being bitter, but be filled with the humble love of Jesus, it makes sense that we really could have that fellowship with God and one another that the Father has worked so hard to achieve.
Is this making sense? What would you add or change? Keep me sharp. your brother matthew
This week I've also been thinking about how it is impossible to be in a meaningful relationship with a liar. In a way, you never actually have an opportunity to make contact with the real person- all you will ever encounter are the lies they present. So lies make meaningful relationship impossible since actual human heart communication never happens. It's like walking into a clear glass door every time you attempt to approach that person, you only ever meet the lie that stands between you.
But God is not this way, he is not a liar- there is no darkness in Him at all. He never manipulates us or tricks us or abuses us. This means we can truly make contact with him. But it does hinder our own relationship with him when we fail to be honest in return. So he's always telling us the Truth and calling us to live in truthfulness with him and each other. He's always calling us to stop clinging to and walking in darkness, to stop being dishonest with ourselves and others. D. had a lot of good to say about how powerful self-deception really is - and the way it separates us from others.
I had a conversation with Blake on the road last week about honesty and my own cultural training. I sometimes feel that the majority of what I learned as "proper and beneficial social behavior" is something closer to walking in darkness. What I mean is, I need to learn to tell the difference between true kindness in love toward others and my own desire to 'manage other's responses' by putting on a show of some sort. Usually, I can manage pretty well socially because I've learned all the tricks of the trade- the trade being something like making people feel good so they'll like me and therefore make me feel good.
I feel like I'm walking on the edge of bitterness, but what I really want is to learn to really trust people and treat them with truthfulness and real kindness. I want to become someone that others can truly make contact with, like my God. How can I be honest and kind? How can I truly integrate Love and Truth in a way that makes real relationship possible.
Suddenly, it occurs to me that honest prayer is somewhere at the center of the whole deal. Also, confession to safe people that I trust makes the need to hide myself and use others to make myself feel good wither. I need to hear God speak the Truth about me ( exposing my own dark places), and realize His love (that covers them), and start practicing (over and over) being honest instead of carefully (even subconsciously?) maneuvering relationships to secure my own comfort.
I love the idea of really beginning to make actual heart-contact in relationship. I hate the idea of being supremely sociable and to have never been honest enough to actually know or be known by another human being. It seems that God really desires to lead us in his ways, to learn to walk in the Light, just like he is in the light. If we can get that honest without being bitter, but be filled with the humble love of Jesus, it makes sense that we really could have that fellowship with God and one another that the Father has worked so hard to achieve.
Is this making sense? What would you add or change? Keep me sharp. your brother matthew
Thursday, May 8, 2008
First of all, I think this idea is absolutely brilliant, and I'm glad I thought of it.
I listened to the discussion and it made me think a lot, not just about my physical family, but about my church family. The wife and I talk sometimes about how we get stuck in a routine and take each other for granted... we don't meet or even care at that point in time about each others needs. We tend, as humans do, to get caught up in our own lives that we can't see outside our own bodies, needs, and wants. I go to church pretty much everytime the door is open, but that doesn't mean anything other than I get in my car and make a physical effort to drive to a building and try to listen to someone speak about God. I honestly can't tell you half the names of the people there... the ones that are there everytime the doors are open. That has always bothered me inside, but yet I do nothing about it. I believe that sometimes church communities create cliques and you tend to stay in your own clique... your own comfort zone. I do try to make an effort to talk to new people, but being a 32 year old wannabe rockstar doesn't leave you with much in common with people your own age. LOL!!! Maybe, I should start spending more time loving my church family and less time loving the world.
Jason
I listened to the discussion and it made me think a lot, not just about my physical family, but about my church family. The wife and I talk sometimes about how we get stuck in a routine and take each other for granted... we don't meet or even care at that point in time about each others needs. We tend, as humans do, to get caught up in our own lives that we can't see outside our own bodies, needs, and wants. I go to church pretty much everytime the door is open, but that doesn't mean anything other than I get in my car and make a physical effort to drive to a building and try to listen to someone speak about God. I honestly can't tell you half the names of the people there... the ones that are there everytime the doors are open. That has always bothered me inside, but yet I do nothing about it. I believe that sometimes church communities create cliques and you tend to stay in your own clique... your own comfort zone. I do try to make an effort to talk to new people, but being a 32 year old wannabe rockstar doesn't leave you with much in common with people your own age. LOL!!! Maybe, I should start spending more time loving my church family and less time loving the world.
Jason
Sunday, May 4, 2008
The Family of God
Hey All,
I created this blog because I ran across a talk that was part of a Ben and Robin Pasley house concert. It was all about pursuing Family as believers not just community. I think part of the idea is that Community doesn't necessarily create Family but Family does necessarily create community. If you got my email and have had a chance to listen to the talk you'll be thinking about it.
My hope was just to carve out a little space to have some discussion on this stuff. Especially since a lot of us don't physically live together but are, I believe, already wanting to live 'with' each other and learn to integrate our lives as members of the Family of God. At any rate, I think of you as my family in more than just a technical sense so I want to hear what ya'll think about this stuff.
Just keep posting and reading and responding. That way I wont have to think about this all by myself. We can all express and work some of it out together. Maybe it's a way of taking care of each other.
thanks, matthew
I created this blog because I ran across a talk that was part of a Ben and Robin Pasley house concert. It was all about pursuing Family as believers not just community. I think part of the idea is that Community doesn't necessarily create Family but Family does necessarily create community. If you got my email and have had a chance to listen to the talk you'll be thinking about it.
My hope was just to carve out a little space to have some discussion on this stuff. Especially since a lot of us don't physically live together but are, I believe, already wanting to live 'with' each other and learn to integrate our lives as members of the Family of God. At any rate, I think of you as my family in more than just a technical sense so I want to hear what ya'll think about this stuff.
Just keep posting and reading and responding. That way I wont have to think about this all by myself. We can all express and work some of it out together. Maybe it's a way of taking care of each other.
thanks, matthew
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